Refocus

Dear Pipsqueaks,

Sometimes, we're all tempted to look back. But, you know it's not worth the look. So do yourself a favour...don't.


Sometimes I
Just want to say
All that's on my mind
Maybe somehow bring a common ground
To our parted distance
Be it at heart or at place
At least I'm still existant
Even if by trace

Sometimes I
Just run out of words
Nothing that's worth a mention
But the craving lies
To hear from u
But afraid of the silence thereafter
Temptation withdraws slowly
Even if it aches

Its hard to believe
I can be swayed
By words alone, it's true
Yesterday's courage
All seems a drained
Maybe some rest will calm the nerves
Tomorrow,
Will have its turns

In Control

Dear Pipsqueaks,

It has been ages since I last posted something that is not a "update you soon". Apologies for that - life has been in a motion that I had forgotten how important it was to step outside and do some proper inward reflection.

Work has not been the easiest this year with all the unnecessary 'drama'. I remember when I first joined this office, my boss had promised no politics. Fair enough, we have not been dragged into any of those messy situations. However, somehow I feel drama is just as bad if not worse than politics.

Which is why, one of my goals for 2016 was to 'speak less to listen more'. You cannot listen to others if you are speaking all the time. If you know me, keeping quiet is a BIG challenge. I just love to talk ( in person - I do not enjoy talking on the phone for some odd reason). I can talk about the moon and the stars, then talk about the past and future...talk until the cows come home. Yes, I can talk.

That is precisely why I wanted to train myself to listen more. Being absolutely truthful, I do not believe I am a good listener. To be a good listener, one has to be able to put the attention on the speaker in every way. I cannot remember exactly what was taught in psychology - yes, there was a full lecture on this - how to be a good listener. Maybe that was a part of interrogation tactics study...but basically, you need to be empathetic and attentive to the details. Anyway, summing it up - it takes a lot to be a good listener. But the first step is to stop talking.

So I started 2016 trying to be a good listener by talking less. And you would think that is a good idea! Apparently not?! I had been criticized to be "non-engaging, not accessible and not a team player." Wow, so uncalled for. Anyone who knows me even the slightest will jump out to say that is NOT Jessy. I will not waste my time to analyse how the person came to think that about me. Why? Because the person had known me for almost 2 years and yet have no clue the kind of person I am. Some people will only see what they want to see. Some people will hear only what they want to hear. There is nothing I can do about what others think of me. Quite frankly, what others think of me is none of my business. Of course, that is said in the context that I have been my best. The rest is out of my control.

Then, what is in our control?

What we take to heart. How we react. Where to draw the line.

Goal: Stay poised, strong and patient. With those fundamental elements, not even the nastiest of people can sway you.

Just To Say What's On My Mind...

Dear Pipsqueaks,

This one hurt the most, but as my sister always says - "You write some of the best stuff when you're emo". Well...thanks?!

There are times when i am strong,
because i know i have to be.
or else i will lose u,
lose all that makes me believe.

all the times when i am weak,
i wish, i wish you could see,
that i am trying hard to remind you of
everything special to you and me.

but, i feel you slipping away
from my world, from our place
and there is nothing i can do,
except to pray,
pray that you will remember me,
and tell me everything's going to be okay.

i still remember the very last day
when you knelt before me to say
"long distance, but my heart, here",
fingers binding our souls together.

every time i start to lose faith,
i think of that moment to give me strength,
to hold on tight, to keep believing,
that in the end, all this will be worthy.

so for now, i stand alone
in the mist of uncertain tones.
hoping you, my knight
will be reawaken,
to walk, hand-in-hand with me
for the rest of our lives, just be.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

for,
you - who will never read this.

from,
me - who will always be right here.

Nov 1st, 2009