Dear pipsqueaks,
Not until recently have I met a few people who have got me thinking about exes again. No, not that kind of thinking. Not the lovey-dovey, reminiscing thinking, but rather, the "how come we're not even friends anymore" thinking. Actually, now that I wander back, I have not been able to keep any one of them. Not even one. Okay, maybe the last one but he's a different case.
Why is it that they all run from me? Why can't we still be friends? Isn't it such a waste of a relationship to go from everything to nothing? Do they honestly hate me that much not to want any kind of connection to me other than being in each other's memories?
This phenomenon used to baffle me to the point where even I get mad for their "child-like" reactions. The "if she's going, I'm not" or the "silent treatment". Honestly, does it have to be this all or nothing ultimatum? It didn't work out. Isn't that bad enough we couldn't make it work? Why go a step further to isolate yourself from me than to go through it together? You aren't alone. If anything, I'd be the person to understand exactly how you feel. Don't you think?
Then again, being in complete detachment can make things easier, no? As they say, you won't miss what you don't see - in our case, it would include hear, smell, and touch. It takes time, but all those written by the senses will fade to simple 1-dimension memories. By then, even the emotional tags would have subsided. Nothing different from all your other memories. Really, this would be the best state to come back. Recollected, refreshed, and cleared of all triggers.
So why haven't they decided to be friends again? One would think after all these years, it would be enough time to move on already. But no. One is still MIA, and the other hides behind his girlfriend. Seriously, I don't bite. It just makes me wonder if it's even worth risking friendship after these experiences. Then again, the last did save the thought.
He didn't want to be friends. He didn't want to because being friends would mean to want to hear about each other's lives and how things are going. He didn't want to hear and he didn't want to know. Understandingly, I offered to be friends when he's ready. He took however long he needed, came back and was ready to be friends.
Truly, it's good to know that I didn't have to lose faith in love because of this. It's good to know I won't lose it all after giving my all. It's good to know I don't have to be afraid to love.
Conclusion? Take time away. It will allow feelings to settle down, and possibly save a friendship that love had grown from. It doesn't have to be one or the other, and it shouldn't. Though, if you have moved on, you make sure you have moved on completely. Especially if you have allowed someone to move into your heart. Or else, you'd be treading dangerous waters if you try to save someone with your only paddle left.
As for the now "other half", it isn't the easiest thing to know your partner is in communication with their exes. But you must understand one thing: if it's important to them, then it's important to you. If they are still able to be friends, then better yet you know all those feelings of the past had gone. Possibly, it's those that can't be friends that you need to worry more about. In any case, don't forget: you are the now.
Love hurts, but you only live once.