21 July 2014

My Blessing

Dear Pipsqueaks,

He had always been a serious one with relationships. Not unless the girl is of marriage potential, he wouldn't bother at all. So brings me to write this as I had once been that girl for him.

It had been years since we had gone our separate paths – seven years to be exact (wow, it had been that long!?) – and that was how long I had not seen or heard from him. He had insisted it was best that we remove ourselves from each other’s lives completely to make the process easier. Of course, I completely disagreed with him because, at least, we were best friends for six years. It would be difficult to lose a best friend, and true enough, those times were tough. I would stare at my finished texts only to delete them right after as I had also promised to try his ways. I guess after breaking up – possibly breaking his heart – the least I could do was allow him the distance he requested.

So years passed, and no news of him from any of my friends. Then again, he was always good at staying away from people and keeping to his own business. When we were still together, those times would have been the most that others had seen him. Otherwise, he was a typical introvert. It was only on my recent trip visiting home that someone finally had updates of the guy.


He had married – a while ago. To a girl of Chinese nationality.

That definitely took me by surprise, as this whole trip was filled with discussions of marriage with friends, and no one close had seem to be at that stage yet. At least not in the next year, and here I’m sitting, trying hard to digest the news that he had already married. Now that I think back, it could very well have been that girl I had randomly saw him with years ago. I was in a rush to pick up a shirt from Artizia in Richmond Center, and as I sped across the food court, I distinctly remembered seeing a familiar face among the crowds. It was not until I literally brushed past the table that confirmation was made. He was sharing the seats with a girl that I could still remember very well to this day. She looked very simple – in a ponytail dressed in plain t-shirt and jeans with a nerdy backpack. My first afterthought was, “Wow, she looked so much like me back in grade 8 – when we first met!” No kidding, she could have passed for my twin. Though, of course, I would have stood out more than she did because I can’t for the life of me remember her face despite my ridiculously amazing memory of faces I’ve seen. In my heart, I do wish it were her. Her simplicity would have been a good fit for him.

Combing through all the emotions I’ve been having since the news, the only thing that truly bothered me was the fact that he had not even thought of telling me himself. I mean, I would have. Even a text or what not to say, “Hey, just wanted to let you know, I’m getting married. You had been a very important part of my life, so I would prefer to be the one to tell you. You will receive an official invitation, but if you decide not to attend, I understand. Thanks for being who you were to me.” That’s a super rough draft, but I would love to have received something along those lines. After all, I had been the girlfriend for six years. Even though we don’t have feelings for one another now, at least pay respect to those years together. They weren't all bad – in my memory anyway.

It’s okay. Knowing him, I can figure my way through his reasoning. It would just be easier to disappear. I get it. Well, you didn't give me the chance to bless you, so here it is:

Dear Lee Guen,

How are you? It had been years since we last spoke, but hopefully everything is good with you and your family. I’m now based in Malaysia with the BWF, and really, I wouldn't even be in this sport if it weren't for you. So, thank you. Thank you for inviting me to watch your match against Point Grey in grade 9 – I remember because that was when you introduced me to Alice, and she’s still a close friend. You had been an invaluable milestone turn in my life, and I thank you for that.

It was rather a shock for me to hear that you’re married. Congratulations – though I really would have preferred to hear it from you. Regardless, I’m happy for you. I wish you two a peaceful life together.

Just know that we don’t have to be strangers.

All the best,
Suika


We all move on. I've found my happiness and I’m glad he did too. I just hope that we’ll be able to catch up the missing years. After all, we should be adult enough – by now anyway – to be friends again. I know I’m ready.