Dear Pipsqueaks,
Not sure where to start this post, so I'm just gonna write.
2018 had started off kinda like the free-fall slide at Sunway Lagoon - you get into the tube and the fella gives you a thumbs up to confirm your ready, but you stand there alone not knowing when you will actually drop...and when you open your mouth to try and say something...you drop. Hard.
I've got so much emotion built up inside for the last few months maybe even longer than that, I honestly feel like I was pretty close to losing it. BUT, I didn't. I went home to Vancouver and met up with all my old school and badminton friends. It wasn't like we did anything special - had meals, walked around and spent some time catching up - yet, it seemed to fill a hole somewhere. I needed that, and I was so glad everyone just stayed the same. Just like how I remembered. Home.
Then came Chinese New Year. Well, before that happened, it was probably the closest I've gone to the cliff. Let's just say, I now have a very special feeling towards Valentine's Day. And Christmas. And New Years. It's a bit awkward because I used to love that time of the year, but now I'd rather just not go there. So please, let's fast forward to SUMMER!
(forwarding...) I just got back from a close friend's wedding in Hawaii, and let's just say destination weddings are awesome! Hawaii would've been so close to get to when I was in Vancouver, but noooo, let's go when I'm based in Asia. What could have been a 6 hour flight became a 6.5hr + 5hr transit + 6.5hr travel. Anyway, I thought of writing another post on Hawaii, so I'll recap there instead.
Landing in Malaysia, I was well aware that it was Election Day. Eager to find out what was happening, I turned on my phone to find about 200+ messages. All of which were happy news to read, but I also knew it was a little too early to be celebrating. First thing getting home was switching on the TV to follow the vote count...until 3am. I don't think I've ever been this attentive to any election in any county, so I'm also quite surprised at myself. Even talking with friends, I realise I actually know quite a lot in comparison to what I felt I knew. And cared for that matter. Perhaps, Malaysia has grown that much more in me. Well, I AM going to celebrate my 7th anniversary at work, so you could say I've been here long enough.
After all the wait, we finally saw a new beginning. New hope for what's to come, and trust me, you can feel the excitement vibe from the people around. It really rubs off, and I'm a proud...expat! Not to mention, he actually removed GST within a day of his appointment. Walking his talk - impressive. The only thing that's a bit disappointing about all this is that at an age of 93, he felt the need to go back into the ring because things were that bad. Someone his age should really be enjoying life, yet he knew the country needed him and came back to serve. I look up to his sense of responsibility and courage, and will hopefully be able to use that as a guide for myself. We all have a bigger purpose than we realise, and it's just a matter of taking a step back to see what it truly is. Will work on that...
What's coming up? Thomas & Uber Cup Finals in Bangkok. For a whole range of reasons, Bangkok had become one of those places that I dread to go, but what can I do? Work is work. It's been a little frustrating the progress we've made to prepare for the Welcome Dinner and all those other activation. Though, I don't feel the same kind of pressure that I used to anymore. Well, considering that this would be my I-can't-even-count-how-many Major Event, I should get used to it by now. My thinking: When shit hits the roof, it'll fall back down in place somehow. No point in worrying :)
Distractions aside, I need to work on myself. It's been too long that I felt lost and unimportant, and actually felt sorry for myself. I would totally know what to tell someone in my position, but it's always a little more difficult when you're the one that needs a hand. Perhaps, this is why I felt the need to write. To write and read what I wrote so that it sticks.
I've been so conflicted that I can't even put into words how I felt. But no more. I refuse to be that person. Life doesn't have to be that complicated, so don't make it that complicated. Just go with the flow and see where it goes. If I'm lucky, someone will make my happiness his lifetime's responsibility. But at the end of the day, only I can ensure that. So focus, Jess. You can do it.
I knew May would be an emotionally tough month, so I've working hard to prepare myself. It's not enough just to keep busy, but to look pain straight in the eye and say, ''Thanks, I remember.'' I do remember, and always will. But not to let it continue to poke at my wounds. I remember so I know I need to keep going. Just keep going and it'll all work out in the end. Somehow.
Thanks for listening, peeps.
I've lost my way, but I'm on my way back on track.
XOXO
Not sure where to start this post, so I'm just gonna write.
2018 had started off kinda like the free-fall slide at Sunway Lagoon - you get into the tube and the fella gives you a thumbs up to confirm your ready, but you stand there alone not knowing when you will actually drop...and when you open your mouth to try and say something...you drop. Hard.
I've got so much emotion built up inside for the last few months maybe even longer than that, I honestly feel like I was pretty close to losing it. BUT, I didn't. I went home to Vancouver and met up with all my old school and badminton friends. It wasn't like we did anything special - had meals, walked around and spent some time catching up - yet, it seemed to fill a hole somewhere. I needed that, and I was so glad everyone just stayed the same. Just like how I remembered. Home.
Then came Chinese New Year. Well, before that happened, it was probably the closest I've gone to the cliff. Let's just say, I now have a very special feeling towards Valentine's Day. And Christmas. And New Years. It's a bit awkward because I used to love that time of the year, but now I'd rather just not go there. So please, let's fast forward to SUMMER!
(forwarding...) I just got back from a close friend's wedding in Hawaii, and let's just say destination weddings are awesome! Hawaii would've been so close to get to when I was in Vancouver, but noooo, let's go when I'm based in Asia. What could have been a 6 hour flight became a 6.5hr + 5hr transit + 6.5hr travel. Anyway, I thought of writing another post on Hawaii, so I'll recap there instead.
Landing in Malaysia, I was well aware that it was Election Day. Eager to find out what was happening, I turned on my phone to find about 200+ messages. All of which were happy news to read, but I also knew it was a little too early to be celebrating. First thing getting home was switching on the TV to follow the vote count...until 3am. I don't think I've ever been this attentive to any election in any county, so I'm also quite surprised at myself. Even talking with friends, I realise I actually know quite a lot in comparison to what I felt I knew. And cared for that matter. Perhaps, Malaysia has grown that much more in me. Well, I AM going to celebrate my 7th anniversary at work, so you could say I've been here long enough.
After all the wait, we finally saw a new beginning. New hope for what's to come, and trust me, you can feel the excitement vibe from the people around. It really rubs off, and I'm a proud...expat! Not to mention, he actually removed GST within a day of his appointment. Walking his talk - impressive. The only thing that's a bit disappointing about all this is that at an age of 93, he felt the need to go back into the ring because things were that bad. Someone his age should really be enjoying life, yet he knew the country needed him and came back to serve. I look up to his sense of responsibility and courage, and will hopefully be able to use that as a guide for myself. We all have a bigger purpose than we realise, and it's just a matter of taking a step back to see what it truly is. Will work on that...
What's coming up? Thomas & Uber Cup Finals in Bangkok. For a whole range of reasons, Bangkok had become one of those places that I dread to go, but what can I do? Work is work. It's been a little frustrating the progress we've made to prepare for the Welcome Dinner and all those other activation. Though, I don't feel the same kind of pressure that I used to anymore. Well, considering that this would be my I-can't-even-count-how-many Major Event, I should get used to it by now. My thinking: When shit hits the roof, it'll fall back down in place somehow. No point in worrying :)
Distractions aside, I need to work on myself. It's been too long that I felt lost and unimportant, and actually felt sorry for myself. I would totally know what to tell someone in my position, but it's always a little more difficult when you're the one that needs a hand. Perhaps, this is why I felt the need to write. To write and read what I wrote so that it sticks.
I've been so conflicted that I can't even put into words how I felt. But no more. I refuse to be that person. Life doesn't have to be that complicated, so don't make it that complicated. Just go with the flow and see where it goes. If I'm lucky, someone will make my happiness his lifetime's responsibility. But at the end of the day, only I can ensure that. So focus, Jess. You can do it.
I knew May would be an emotionally tough month, so I've working hard to prepare myself. It's not enough just to keep busy, but to look pain straight in the eye and say, ''Thanks, I remember.'' I do remember, and always will. But not to let it continue to poke at my wounds. I remember so I know I need to keep going. Just keep going and it'll all work out in the end. Somehow.
Thanks for listening, peeps.
I've lost my way, but I'm on my way back on track.
XOXO