I'm not too sure where this train of thought caught fire. Maybe the last line of gossip girl tonight- "if you love someone, u will learn to let them go"- might be able to explain it. I believe it would be quite fair to state that the one "leaving" a relationship is usually the "guilty one", hence the assumption that the only person hurting was the one that was left standing there. Except, that's not quite right when there is no guilt involved. It was simply time to face the fork road n decide.
Memories rarely fail me, but when they do, I still got my senses to remind me of how something or someone made me feel. The day was gloomy n slightly chilly as we stood to the side of the road. It was a conversation that was inevitable- I made up my mind that a break up was necessary for the both of us. You see, we've practically grown up together in highschool, sharing the same lockers, eating lunch together everyday, n playing badminton together- in n outside of school. You could say, it was easier to count the days that we didn't meet than the days that we did. But it was a rather puppy-love kind of feel, where everything felt right. I don't think I've ever doubted that he was the one, until things got really difficult. Honestly, we grew up, but apart. We were soon on different pages n fighting about nothing.
One really stupid argument I remember was how he got mad that I would play with his phone when we were out eating. It was when he first got his blackberry n as I didn't hv one, it was of course just a fun thing to play around with while we waited for our food to come. Yet, to him, it was as if I were checking on him- seeing who he's texting or calling like some suspicious girlfriend. Well, now I'm gonna confess, I have never had to worry about him n quite frankly, I'd like to see other girls try to take him from me. That's how much confidence I had about us. But, he didn't see it that way n gradually, it was as if nothing was real anymore. It was hard to see "us" turn into this totally opposite image of what I had in mind, n I couldn't bare to see it get worse. So, I called it off.
Just to clarify, there wasn't anyone else in the picture, but of course that'd be hard for people to believe, cos why else would we break up? Well, I care enough about him to want to see him happy. Growing up n dealing with all the changes- going to different universities n him quitting badminton- just made it that much more difficult to communicate, n of couse, that is key in any relationship. So, maybe we do need time apart, but "time outs" weren't an option cos, com'on, who are we kidding here? U can stop "time", but when u hit "play", it'll all just resume as it was. That's not "problem-solving", rather "naïvely denying" what was really going on. Therefore, I had to let him go.
I'll admit, it was hard to accept that he had moved on n could possibly be happier than ever. But guess what? At least he's happy. I love n care about him that much to force out the truth- the truth that we didn't need each other around anymore, or at least then. Yes, I was the "evil one" to break his heart, but contrary to popular belief, I was in pieces too. No one can just walk away without getting hurt somehow. So don't just jump to conclusion that the one "leaving" is heartless as the reason may not be as clear as the actions taken. But really, it was either constant suspicion or complete freedom. Having only those options, it wasn't hard to choose. I just hope he's happy.
When u can no longer ignore the growing gap in between, u can keep taking steps back, or jump in n end it all.
I'll admit, it was hard to accept that he had moved on n could possibly be happier than ever. But guess what? At least he's happy. I love n care about him that much to force out the truth- the truth that we didn't need each other around anymore, or at least then. Yes, I was the "evil one" to break his heart, but contrary to popular belief, I was in pieces too. No one can just walk away without getting hurt somehow. So don't just jump to conclusion that the one "leaving" is heartless as the reason may not be as clear as the actions taken. But really, it was either constant suspicion or complete freedom. Having only those options, it wasn't hard to choose. I just hope he's happy.
When u can no longer ignore the growing gap in between, u can keep taking steps back, or jump in n end it all.