honestly tho, i can't seem to remember how or why we removed "us" from our lives. but this gut feeling- which works kinda like a tag that reminds me of how something made me feel at that moment- still stands. i can recall the ache when i made up my mind. i can remember the urge to cry when i saw him cry. i duno if anyone else has this "ability", but it's quite something (of course, it brings back feelings of happiness n excitement too). but yah, those feelings are so fresh, it's kinda scary. still remember all those promises n feelings of forever...ah. if only it were forever. regardless, what happened didn't really matter any more...n i hv him to thank for that too, cos he was the one to insist on total de-communication. no emails, no fb, no text msgs, no nothing. even tho i can still remember our last phone call...that distancing tone in his voice. i understand. even till the end, he was doing me a favour. he was making it easier for me to move on, which i'd be very confident to say, i have.
that's why i wrote him a postcard today. prob the first communication attempt made in a good 3years? it wasn't that it took me 3 years to move on- i had another epic chapter to cry about- but it felt like it's time to talk (hopefully malaysia post pulls through on these damn postcards cos some of my other friends haven't received theirs yet...arg.) anyways, it definitely took some time to figure out what was appropriate to write. i didn't want to seem like i've selfishly decided to jump back in his life, so i stuck to the basic greetings n such. after a good 10mins of reading the msg over n over to make sure it was just right, i mailed it with the rest of the postcards. let's just hope he does receive it n read it, of course. an offer was made that if he was ready to talk, he could come find me. i don't expect him to, but there's always hope!
u know how they always say, "there's a time and place for everything". maybe at that moment in time, we weren't meant to be at the same place. so we parted. but that doesn't mean we won't meet in the future. whether we'd be just friends or more, it's for the future to worry about. just don't purposely exclude that possibility by still holding on to the past. i'd like to think i've learned a few things that time has taught. i'd like to think that he did too.
the world will have moved on with or without you, so make up ur mind already.